Not All is Lost

I am permitted to be sad, to cry, to wallow, to not be okay. But at the end of the day, I promise myself, I will try to be better for my own sake.

My brain is an overthinker. More often than not, one thought could lead into various branches. I could talk about things, dream of them and remember them too. Dreaming and remembering them as if they were real are called lucid dreams.

Often, my wanting to share ideas and to help have led me to be called Ms. Know-it-all. It’s the same thing that made people avoid me because of my mania. It is also the same thing that gave me opportunities to network with hard-to-please and less trusting friends who will reply to my one hello regarding topics as if knowing they have an urgency to respond despite their busy lives.

This time, I ended up disturbing Manong Ari Verzosa, parts of the conversation I am going to share with his permission for some “marites time”. Manong Ari is a mental health warrior and speaker as opposed to me who is more of a writer. Manong Ari is a businessman and is Kylie Verzosa’s (the actress) father who has advocated for mental health way before me. Known for his colorful and joyful stance, he also tried and tested means to be well and oftentimes be himself – no matter how difficult.

My messages consisted of a typical “hi and how are you?” Continuing I said, “I hope all is well and how it has been?” Then I did share a bit of my struggles honestly. Perhaps my honesty is the same trait that has caused people an avoidant feeling towards me but not for Manong Ari.

I asked Manong if he knew of any natural remedies or coping strategies that could perhaps work. He said that people have various diagnoses and capabilities equal to diverse remedies or coping strategies. Every journey is different. I couldn’t agree more or less?

I asked him, if he would like to support advocating for programs and projects in bigger avenues, he said he was old already. I told him, age is just a number unless you feel the back aches and pains. He replied he did feel that. I don’t blame him, at a younger age I feel that too!

Then, I remembered our mental health advocate and friend years ago when he and Manong Ari both thought that to advocate for mental health is to go political – maybe a political party list in the making. That other Kuya, never lived to that fruition. Beats me! I don’t even know if I could live that long to see it fulfilled too with a myriad of things happening in the Philippines right now.

However, let’s insert a plaguing thought – a number of websites, online spaces or apps like Quora are giving me the negative vibes about the Philippines and the prevailing poverty. I mean opinions are opinions but I think if you cannot be part of the solution then “better plant camote in your backyard”. They’ve been stirring sensation for what not’s. Pardon me, but the world is not changed by opinions, but by actions.

The same is happening in mental health, people say bad things without suggesting solutions. I believe that if you have a complaint, follow it up with a sensible solution. If not, then maybe it will be a thing like “sa presinto ka na magpaliwanag”. I mean, most mental health advocates go leftist many times because of frustrations. Maybe because they have become tired or maybe they are just who they are.

Mental health should be a space for all – it’s a work-in-progress by professionals, allied professionals and diagnosed and undiagnosed advocates. If you can afford a diagnosis in the Philippines, lucky you! But you are luckier, if you can keep up with the medicines besides the daily basic needs expenses. Not affording something to eat is problematic to your stomach and may cause you your mental health too! Insurance and healthcare systems are things the Philippines cannot afford.

I also think that the Philippines need to invest in providing skills and livelihood for mental health warriors too. But how can they, when stigmatized people can’t make it to work independently? FYI, people with mental issues find it hard to be independent and appear to be just plain lazy. But remember, it’s not just a mood or an excuse!

Back to Manong Ari, he reminded me to take care of myself first. In this fast-paced world where the hustle and bustle is telling you to go fast and furious, learn to slow down and do it at your own pace. Maybe, in a sense, Manong Ari and I are lucky to slow down and pause when we have to. Not many people are allowed to do that for various reasons.

As I always say I don’t know where things will lead me. Trial and errors are such pains. But sometimes, I, you and we – we just have to keep trying!