Leslie Dulfo
- Warm or Cold - October 23, 2025
- The Corruption of time - October 9, 2025
- That “Guni-guni” - September 25, 2025
Sometimes I’ve been thinking how to put myself in the shoes of others. There are blind people who can’t easily walk or take a jeep especially during these rainy days. It kept me asking myself that it’s too hard not being able to see anything. Sometimes, elders I know can’t hear properly (that’s a sign of aging). Considering my not so loud or bedroom voice, I usually find it difficult communicating. Maybe sometimes, I feel the weight of people who are crippled and think of a way to unburden them. I also find people who are violent and paranoid due to trauma and mental illnesses. Sometimes thinking also of people who are sick with cancer or Auto Immune Diseases.
I kept asking myself which is better – without sight or having a mental illness? I have succumbed to the fact that there are harsh realities in life. I have accepted that not all that glitters is gold. I have realized that in a way of my uniqueness, I am blessed.
A long time ago when I could not fully understand things, I would pity myself for this and that. But now I realized that there are things beyond my control. Something that is out of my sphere. That’s why I try to make use of what little I have into doing things one at a time. I tried to learn many things from drawing to Canva, from writing to journaling, or from dancing to singing (although the weather is more affected than me). I tried arts too – studying colors and using pastels or even watercolor. I also had those adult coloring books where I colored or wrote with pencils (whichever correct word it is).
A lot of times I wanted to do everything and then later stop at mid shift not knowing what to do next or maybe not taking the courage to finish what I started. Focus and concentration during episodes are hard realities of common mental illnesses and being able to function well is a concern. Although it’s hard, I realize that it’s not enough to just try but to actually do something.
Sometimes, my hands working are a perfect therapy for my chaotic mind. I also figured that sometimes, I don’t have the answers when I’ve pushed my Why’s and What If’s again and again. These are fast facts.
I used to ask myself “Why me?” when my intention was good from the very beginning. Then, everything just falls into place. Realizing I am blessed gives my heart pure gratitude and knowing that only 1% of people with Schizophrenia get back to their usual lives. Anyway, besides the crying spells sometimes but with a reason, I do find gratitude in my heart while my mind finds solitude and peace. Unlike before when I felt I was being cursed or punished somehow. Now, I walk with good thoughts and empathy in my mind and heart.
I’ve learned to say no when it bothers or hassles my mental health. I’ve learned to choose my battles yet live with empathy for others. It is because I don’t understand everything and everyone. But if there’s one thing that public service has taught me, it is to serve even behind the scenes despite your imperfections. Afterall, you don’t need applause or even validation for the good that you do. I have also learned to accept myself for the frailties and misgivings. Why? It is because forgiving oneself is a greater piece of a pie rather than Band-Aid solutions.
Sometimes we don’t know what one is going through with his or her life. That’s why it pays to be kind and good. It pays to listen to those who we value most. It is also needed to communicate words of endearment to our loved ones and words of affirmation for our own sake. You may agree or not but I rather go for peace than chaos in my head (whatever that means)! Namaste!