Leslie Dulfo
- Afterthoughts on depression - October 30, 2025
- Warm or Cold - October 23, 2025
- The Corruption of time - October 9, 2025
Trigger warning: For emergency cases, call 911 for Baguio residents. Should you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a helping hand – be it a loved one, friend or mental health professional.
I could not fathom the idea of losing someone especially to clinical depression. The hurt, the pain and the realizations are both overpowering and of mixed emotions. Even a parent’s love could not fully understand it although their hearts bleed. Why? It is because even if parents are not perfect nor children are, we are still plagued with our own worries and woes. Nobody likes to lose someone and no one wants to grief be it a lost life, a lost friendship or a lost connection. We grief, we all do – the way we can. Why? It is because we are left with no other choice but to continue a life even after grief.
But is continuing really a choice especially when you are clinically diagnosed? The symptoms of a mental illness may come once and again and again when you are triggered. Everything is like a faucet, you have to have a movement that will trigger the thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, it may come from a trauma or a tumultuous event in one’s life.
For most people with mental illness, you can laugh all you want but when you’re at home alone in your bed – that grief is a gnawing feeling. An attempt on your own life in thoughts or in actions may come again once you lose hope. This is something we don’t fully understand for it may be a mix of emotions, genetics, eating habits, technological gadgets and some facets of our everyday life. To say the least, is that we all have triggers that may or can be opened.
How do we cope? Some try to laugh a lot, some try to keep themselves busy and some pretend that nothing happened until it bursts. I don’t have answers – no one has and I don’t pretend to be an expert in the field. But my experience has taught me to find a flicker of hope when you need it. Self-awareness maybe, self-care if you may and thrive if you must. There’s no one rule, no fast track and no one answer. But you have to find it in yourself – the way you yourself can only do. To be able to love yourself even if you feel unloved.
Sometimes, it’s a good thing to have a good and grounded support system. But not everyone is perfect and sometimes circumstances make us toxic monsters or even robots at that. It is not good to play a blame game. You are responsible for your actions and for yourself. Reach out because you are not alone. Speak up, share your thoughts or sit down quietly with a friend or loved one. Feel your heartbeat – breathe in and breathe out.
The mind is a powerful thing and it may even be a chaotic one bringing in a heavy head you don’t wish to carry or maybe bulging eyes on the teardrops on my guitar. It’s hard, there’s not one exact explanation so live with empathy and compassion. That’s the least we can do to help ourselves and to help others. As my friend says, “If you can’t help them, don’t hurt them”. Maybe then we will find a better place to live in.
Sending hugs to those who need it and a flicker of light for hope in case you need it. If all else fails, be your own flashlight. Be that firefly bringing his or her own light. You can do it!
My story isn’t over yet and neither is yours. What’s your story?