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As a resource speaker, I enjoy the question-and-answer or open forum the most. This segment allows me to have a peek at how the audience understands mental health. The questions also become a practical reference for me when I prepare future presentations, and help me craft possible podcast topics.
I am often asked, “How can I help someone who asks for help?” Usually, this question is preceded by “I don’t know how to help someone who says that they don’t feel okay,” or “Maybe I’ll say something wrong that makes them feel worse.” Your feelings of confusion and caution in helping someone address their need for help are valid. I applaud your honesty and courage in admitting that you struggle to help someone because this shows that you’d rather do things right than be a know-it-all. How can you be MAGIC?
- Make sure the person is safe.
A person in distress may not be fully aware of their environment. Hence, ask the person where they are. Take note of their location and the details they mention, especially when they are not home. If you can be in the same space or place with them, inform the person that you would like to see them. If they prefer to maintain communication via chat or call, respect their decision, but inform them that you’ll check in on them from time to time (more about this in the next sections).
- Allow the person to share their thoughts and feelings while suspending judgment and with fewer interruptions.
A person in distress needs someone who will listen to them. They often feel like their bottled-up emotions will burst soon (or have already burst), and they don’t know what to do about it or what to do next. As someone on the receiving end, you have to practice active listening and manage your thoughts or feelings about the problem they are talking about. If you feel like you have a good point to share, wait for them to tell you that they want to hear your thoughts about the situation.
- Give the person options and opinions, only when asked (except in emergencies).
Interrupting someone in distress while they are venting can be counterproductive. As such, you can start by asking, “Would you like me to share my opinions or an experience similar to yours (if applicable) or would you prefer that we discuss possible solutions to your problem?” Be mindful of how you respond as your tone and words can make the other person feel worse. In emergencies, however, you must prioritize the person’s safety and well-being above everything else, regardless of what the person tells you.
- Involve the person’s loved ones, mental health professionals, and authorities (if needed).
In any situation, the safety and well-being of the people involved must be prioritized. If you feel and think that you do not have the needed skills and/or training to help someone, it is imperative that you approach people who can guide or assist you. These people can be the person’s loved ones, mental health professionals, and even local authorities. Despite its importance, confidentiality is breached when there is a potential threat or harm to anybody’s safety and well-being.
- Check in on the person from time to time. (Note: Only when you can do so.)
When someone in distress feels calmer, you may tend to tell them to continue sharing their thoughts and feelings with you and/or their loved ones. However, if you feel like you don’t have the emotional or mental space to accommodate their sharing any time soon, be respectful in expressing your boundaries. If they’re open and ready, encourage them to seek professional help and assist them in looking for a clinic or in booking a session. If you do decide to check in on the person, make sure that you are also able to be fully present in the interaction.
Helping others can be seen as a skill. As such, we continue to develop ways of helping others while maintaining realistic boundaries and without sacrificing our well-being. On a final note, you can also practice MAGIC on yourself. When was the last time you practiced your MAGIC?
Do you have a question about mental health or psychology? Send an email to northluzonmonitor@gmail.com and your question might be discussed in the next article.