North Luzon Monitor

North Luzon

Going Solo

Valred Olsim
Latest posts by Valred Olsim (see all)

The stage welcomes solo performances in any stage of life. Most of the time and just like any momentous experience, the solo flight starts rough, or even ugly, and rightfully so in the gamble of life, and the investment of thoughts and emotions. The closest people become enemies or strangers, and the rage of the head becomes louder than the beats of the heart.

No matter how you look at it, separation from a team, or a partnership is not easy. But somehow, in this age of divorce, it becomes only a matter of time. People are weak, they make mistakes, they become frustrated, they grow tired, and they stop any attempt to make up…or fix things. “Enough shall be enough” for the cold and restless. Acceptance and closure are words that are built on compromise, deep struggles, and bottles of gin.

Suddenly, one finds himself or herself in a rollercoaster of desperation and regrets, and piles of dishes and laundry to attend to. You yearn for the companionship, the intimacy, the friendship during both the good times and the bad times. The music has faded and the harmony is not there anymore, but perhaps, so is the fury of strings and the chaotic beats of misunderstandings and betrayal. And just like the last argument of celebrated rockstars before they disband, the separation does not only split the rights and the property. It takes away a lot from ourselves and our existence.

Despite the difficult challenge to act like responsible adults; to endure the long talks and messages of frustrations, while putting up cordial smiles, good things do, really, must come to an end. Just like Holywood’s Isla and Sacha; we can only come up with some cheesy script: “We have always prioritized our privacy, and have been quietly working through this change. And we forever share in our devotion and love for our children. We sincerely appreciate your respecting our family’s wish for privacy.”

Co-parenting should be the best path forward. But going solo for the kids is an honor that is only given to the worthy.

Those who are handed that purpose can soar high, even alone.  On tackling household chores. On attending to kids. On struggling to provide a better life. On simply being alone.

Co-parenting, on the other hand, is like a professional collaboration of former music bandmates. You work together to take care of the kids, just like how musicians build and produce songs, and each will only play their given role as agreed: the other will compose the song, the other will put the instruments to it, then you share the profits according to the letter of your agreement. It is a great way forward, but it only applies to those who are either unemotional or those can move on even without any closure. Well, this really depends on how well or how ugly the split went. Most of the time, a tight closure before the solo act is required especially if the trauma is too cruel to risk even a single meet up.

The gig is indeed much more fun in a full band. But when the music becomes only a noise or a clatter, going solo is the way to go. It may be a tricky trail of struggles, but it also a journey for the strong.

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