Leslie Dulfo
What is the difference between sanity and insanity? What is weird or eccentric? What is unique? What is extraordinary?
Lucid Interval is a circumstance in law and medicine where a person acts with awareness after a time of unconsciousness or insanity. It is a time of being able to make sound judgments beyond the presumption that a person has gone through a mental disorder or went through trauma, brain injuries or some incident that affected the brain. As for me, a lucid interval is in itself a sign of hope and healing. Let me share a few facts about myself.
I am Leslie – a person with lived experiences of a mental disorder called Schizophrenia. I am a person with a psychosocial disability. The primary manifestations of my mental disorder started with hallucinations which included hearing voices that were not actually there. Creepy stuff, I know.
After diagnosis, it was found out that the voices I was hearing in my head are a result of pent-up and bottled-up emotions. Add some genes in play and a not-so-perfect environment, I literally lost my mind. It was a battle of the wits and the mind – trying to figure out what is real from what is not.
I have always seen myself as weird since I was child – very quiet, shy and antisocial. I would spend my time reading books, writing, dancing and drawing. I have been a studious person with more than an above average IQ. Growing up, being the competitive person that I am, I tried to loosen up to develop my writing and the other skills I could develop. That is when I started joining school organizations and tested myself as a leader.
However, somewhere in my journey, I lost the zest for life and learning. But still, I survived my College years and finished law school. I also graduated with a masters degree in public administration in-between lucid intervals as I may have called it. It was a long process for me and my loved ones but I guess the hope was always there despite the down times.
People said that Schizophrenia is incurable. Hardly 1 percent out of the people who live with the mental disorder get back to their normal life. But in the course of my healing, my doctor after many years, told me that my disorder was from minimal to no symptoms at all. I couldn’t have been more relieved.
In-between my lucid intervals, I have learned from experience and became a mental health advocate, volunteer, published author and a long list of what-nots. It took courage, gratitude, beauty and positivity to heal.
I cannot say that I am completely healed but I try my best not for anyone else but for myself. It was the choice I promised myself – for my own sake. Now, I’m doing the things I love and hoping to inspire and bring hope.
After all, I believe that the thin line between sanity and insanity is a diagnosis. Everybody may experience a mental issue once or more in a lifetime but we should never give-up. Sometimes, I think that my experiences have also made me unique – as opposed to the negative word of being weird.
I share my journey not to compare with others but to tell you that you are exquisite and although you are a tiny dot in this universe, you take up space and make matter. You are extraordinary.
Disclaimer:
My thoughts are plainly my own and based on experiences. I am no psychologist and don’t pretend to be an expert in that area. I refrain from talking about politics and religion. The objective is to create safe spaces for mental health discussion without judgment as much as possible and share the hope that radiates from within.